A&E shows about 20 episodes of “CSI-Miami” a day. That’s my estimation, anyway, because it’s on whenever I’m channel surfing. I hate this show. The writing is awful, the acting is awful, the Miami Police Department has a facility rivaling Google headquarters, the lab technicians look like fashion models, and DNA testing takes minutes instead of weeks. Today I stopped on A&E only because I overheard the shade-wearing monotone redhead say “city editor.”

Here’s the plot of the episode, from what I could figure:

A snide reporter who brags had been the “youngest UPI reporter ever on Air Force One” (snicker) was a suspect in a murder of a columnist – found dead in her trunk — who knew that the reporter was making up his series of stories about smugglers using fake cruise ships for their drug trafficking.

The columnist had told her suspicions of fabrication to the grand poobah editor, who told her to forget about it because the stories had led to the Miami Sun’s circulation jumping by 20,000. (Hahaha!) Also, in the time the snide reporter has been on staff, that editor has jumped two notches in the hierarchy and the job offers are coming in. “From New York, big papers, magazines, you know what I’m saying?” So, he doesn’t want to turn in their star reporter for alleged fabrication.

Also, all these journalists can somehow afford expensive clothes, condos and furniture. And they frame all their stories that made the front page, which is rather convenient for the detectives who find the articles on the wall and say, “Hm, they shared a byline. Motive!”

As usual, all the suspects and witnesses are entirely unhelpful to the police, even though their friends are dead. The screenwriter was careful to sprinkle the dialogue with terms like “deadline” (an awful pun for this episode) “city editor,” “circulation” and “byline.”

In the end the evil, gossip-mongering, power-hungry journalists lose because – as the redhead says – “You know Josh, the truth (pause) has this funny, mysterious way of finding daylight. (pause) Book him!”

Thank you, “CSI.” It’s hard to find good comedy on TV.

The storm names lining up for their debut are:

  • Ana
  • Bill
  • Claudette
  • Danny
  • Erika
  • Fred
  • Grace
  • Henri
  • Ida
  • Joaquin (side note: Joaquin? really?)
  • Kate
  • Larry
  • Mindy
  • Nicholas
  • Odette
  • Peter
  • Rose
  • Sam
  • Teresa
  • Victor
  • Wanda

Stuff Journalists Like

Among them:
#61: Cursing
#99: Year in reviews
#10: Drinking
#101: Weather stories
#69: Dating other journalists

I have a soft bed
Yet I sleepwalk to the couch
To sleep on remotes

Actual topics of conversation on latest phone call with Significant Other:

  • I bought a curling iron. Today’s experimenting was more successful than yesterday’s, when the iron aspect worked but the curling certainly didn’t.
  • Sig. Other was out of bread. To make a sandwich, he rolled a slice of turkey around some cheese, then ate a pickle.
  • I called a newly engaged, newly graduated college friend.
  • Sig. Other called his dad.
  • I woke up tired this morning.
  • Sig. Other is starting a blog.
  • And finally, “What are we doing? What the hell are we talking about? If someone were to wiretap this phone call, they’d say, ‘This is the most boring conversation I’ve ever heard! Who the hell are these people?’”

IMG_1802

The view from the USS Lexington in Corpus Christi, also the site of filming for a few scenes from “Pearl Harbor.”

That movie has stayed with me over the years. Clocking in at 3 hours long, how could it not? It’s full of gems of dialogue, like: “Returning from the dead wasn’t all that I expected, but that’s life”; and “Every night I watch the sunset and soak up every last ray of its warmth, and send it from my heart to yours”; and, my personal favorite,”You’re gonna be a daddy!” “No … YOU are.”

I don’t think my sarcasm is translating enough into this post. Let me speak more plainly: IT WAS A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE MOVIE THAT JUST WOULD NOT END.

It feels good to get that off my chest.

Touring the aircraft carrier, though, was pretty cool.

IMG_1780

Of TV couples
Jim and Pam undoubtedly
Win as the cutest

Take up running
Gain health, muscle, pride and legs
But lose energy

Imagine a ceiling fan.

Now, imagine that small domed piece that connects the ceiling fan to the ceiling.

Now, imagine you hear a rhythmic clinking in that domed piece, look up from your bed, and realize HOLY CRAP A COCKROACH IS STUCK IN THERE AND IT’S REACHING ITS HAIRY LEGS OUT OF THE SCREW HOLES ABOVE YOUR HEAD OH MY GOD WHERE’S THE RAID?!

That pretty much sums up my morning.

Top stories:

  • Swine flu has its first U.S. fatality. HERE.
  • Preteen allegedly shoots her father in the head while he sleeps.
  • School bus runs over and kills teenager.
  • Driver found dead in a drainage ditch after yesterday’s severe flooding.

Other stories of interest:

  • Schools shut down for (wait for it) swine flu.
  • Father who killed five kids in a car crash had drugs and alcohol in his system while talking on a cell phone while driving during a major thunderstorm. Epic judgment fail.
  • Unrestrained toddler falls from truck and dies.

So, how was your day?

 

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